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    griff's Avatar

    My Little "Drop in the Bucket"

    LOL! A bank robber, eh? I'd like to hear about your Memorial Day episode too!

    In the meantime, I'll share my scariest/funniest experience with a State Trooper from back when I was young and stupid (...at least, I'm older now...):

    One day some friends of mine (all of us 17 years old, full of piss & vinegar(and stupidity)) and I decided to skip school (in Palmyra, PA., where we were born & raised) and make a run to South-of-the-Border, South Carolina via Interstate 95 to get some fireworks.

    I had the "pedal to the metal" until we got pulled over for speeding by your stereotypical, pot-bellied, "red-neck" Virginia State Police Officer (think:Jackie Gleason's "Buford T. Justice").

    We were having a grand old time until he stepped up to my open window and bellowed "Give me your driver's license and registration!"

    I got serious pretty quick, thinking I was going to be in deep kim-chee with the Police, my parents and my school, and I presented my documents expeditiously and in all somberness (my friends weren't of the same mind-set and kept carrying on in the car).

    When he returned with my documents he said, "Just what the HELL do you think you're doing going 96.4 on my f*ing highway!?!"

    I don't remember most of what he said after that as I was trying to get the other guys to shut up and get serious (they were too busy laughing about the ridiculous impossibility of achieving that "break-neck" speed in a 1975 AMC Hornet station wagon loaded with 4 passengers).

    All I knew was that I was getting my butt royally chewed just before he told me to get out of the vehicle, at which point, the most boisterous of our crowd leaned over from the rear passenger seat and asked, "Jeez, man, what do you want him to do, buy a couple of tickets to the Policeman's Ball, or what!?!".

    The Trooper drew in a slow, deep breath and then, as he authoritatively hitched up his belt, delivered his own coup de gras through gritted teeth with...and I quote...:

    "Virginia Policemen DO NOT HAVE BALLS!"

    ...My friends were practically falling out of the car with delirious laughter, hooting "Virginia Policemen don't have balls!", while I sat, clutching the steering wheel in white-knuckled fear, just knowing I was surely going to jail...

    ...You know, in cartoons when someone gets mad, how the "red" starts at the collar and slowly rises to the top of the head while steam comes out their ears?...

    For a brief moment, a look of absolute rage crossed his face as he threw my license and registration at me and exploded "Get your f*ing a**es out of my sight, and don't ever let me see you on my highway again!", and stormed back to his car as my friends continued howling (and while I found the nearest exit, turned around, and made a speed-legal dash for home, never to try that stunt again (and I never did receive a citation )).
    Posted 18 Nov 2017 at 15:02 PM by griff griff is offline

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